Meditations 4 Misfits

Time to Talk about Dying

How Clergy and Chaplains Can Help Senior Adults Prepare for a Good Death

Fred Grewe

This guide provides clergy and chaplains with essential tools for supporting senior adults, helping them to feel comfortable about death and dying before they begin to approach life’s end. Focusing on strengthening relationships with loved ones, it applies unique therapeutic methods for promoting a positive experience of ageing.

In this book, Fred Grewe shares rich stories from his work as a hospice chaplain about the experiences of his patients and their loved ones as they grapple with the spiritual challenges that accompany dying. While contemplating our death can lead to a fuller life, Grewe’s stories show that waning time and energy prevent some patients from engaging these important tasks. The Soul Legacy Seminars he describes give senior adults an opportunity to focus on the important lessons we can learn from our mortality. Grewe is a wise spiritual guide, and his book will enrich the care that chaplains and clergy provide for all of us, who by choice or necessity contemplate our final days.
– George Fitchett, Professor and Director of Research in the Department of Religion, Health, and Human Values, Rush University Medical Center

It is rare that deep wisdom and specific practice pour from the same tap-but they both indeed flow from Time to Talk About Dying. Rev. Fred Grewe and I have been friends for nearly forty years. We probably don’t agree on everything, but I can attest to this: Fred has always possessed warm humour, a knack for storytelling (he used to be an actor) and most importantly, an uncommon curiosity about the intersection of God and the human soul. His many years as a chaplain have put a fine point on that twin-pursuit and have been leveraged in loving service for the dying. Every provider of spiritual care will find chunks of wisdom and tools for practical, professional growth.
– Bishop Todd Hunter, Anglican Churches for the Sake of Others

This important book should be read and considered by all who spend time with people at the end of their lives. Fred Grewe’s insights and perspective have something to teach all of us.
– Wendy Cadge, Professor of Sociology, Brandeis University

I commend this book as such a helpful book for clergy and chaplains. Fred writes with typical honesty, insight and sensitivity as he recalls real stories and the impact they have clearly had on his life. I believe this book to be a seriously helpful tool in helping people to die as well as they can, leaving a healthy legacy and blessing in the lives of loved ones and friends who remain.
– Steve Prince, Pastor and Team Leader Brookside Church and Chaplain to Reading Football Club, UK

Grewe offers practical wisdom that is useful to all of us who care for and serve seniors nearing the end of their lives.
– Susan W. Tolle MD, Professor of Medicine, Oregon Health & Science University

Check out more at: https://www.amazon.com/Time-Talk-about-Dying-Chaplains/dp/1785928058/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1524357547&sr=8-1&keywords=fred+grewe

 

What the Dying have Taught Me about Living

The Awful Amazing Grace of God

Fred Grewe

I was afraid of dying so I became a hospice chaplain. I figured if I hung around with Death, made friends with him (at a safe distance), I’d get used to him and he wouldn’t be so scary. So, for the past nine years I have had the privilege to journey with over 1,000 folks who have gone on to the other side. I’ve seen first-hand how we all live in a world where no one escapes without experiencing pain, suffering and death. The thought that maybe, just maybe, suffering could be good for me wasn’t even on my radar screen. But this was before the dying taught me about living.

What the Dying Have Taught Me about Living: The Awful Amazing Grace of God is a 59,000 word collection of real life stories recounting my interactions with terminal patients. The lessons taught by dying patients around the themes of forgiveness, acceptance, compassion, meaning, gratitude, humility, mindfulness, trust, peace, and humor offer the reader insights into living with a deeper wisdom and compassion. The book is also the story of my journey from a fundamentalist faith to an inclusive worldview of acceptance for all. Written in a similar vein as the bestsellers Tattoos on the Heart and Blue Like Jazz, What the Dying Have Taught Me about Living is a book of narrative snapshots inviting the reader to reflect on life, and hopefully, become less afraid of death.

Fred Grewe’s What the Dying Have Taught Me About Living: The Awful Amazing Grace of God offers a powerful witness to the rawest of human experiences — death and loss. It is a great gift to those who minister to the dying and bereaved and a testament to the wondrous human ability to grow even in grief and loss. –Kenneth J. Doka, PhD, MDiv, Senior Consultant, The Hospice Foundation of America, Professor, The College of New Rochelle

A moving and inspiring book. As one reads the stories in this little book, one can’t help but laugh and cry with the families. After reading What the Dying Have Taught Me About Living, one comes away with a feeling that life and death are like two wings on which we all make this mysterious journey called life. Fred makes us think about life from death’s perspective, a refreshingly new approach in our culture. –Prakash Chenjeri, philosophy professor Southern Oregon University

At its core this is a book of stories, with a parade of colorful, vividly realized characters held gently up to view in their moments of greatest vulnerability, and greatest strength. –David Barnard, Miles J. Edwards Chair in Professionalism and Comfort Care, Center for Ethics in Health Care, Assistant Vice Provost for Interprofessional Education, Oregon Health & Science University

Chaplain Fred Grewe is a wise, kind guide to life, as he shares with the rest of us what the dying have taught him about living. His stories are honest, often vulnerable and sometimes laugh out loud funny, and he offers a precious witness to the miracle of human life. — Pamela Shepherd, retired pastor, First Congregational United Church of Christ, Ashland Oregon

“Fred invites caregivers to find anew their own pastoral identities in sharing his bittersweet stories of learning to listen faithfully to the dying in hospital and hospice settings. Without intending it, Grewe offers a model for discovering through reflections on larger spiritual stories the ‘awful grace’ that emerges out of the peculiar messiness and woundedness, vulnerability and openness, humility and gratitude which form every caregiver.” – The Rev. Dr. Scott K Davis, Pastor, Brickerville United Lutheran Church; Board Certified Chaplain, retired

Fred Grewe’s spellbinding spiritual autobiography cracks open powerful stories of suffering and death to expose their seeds of grace. In the soil of theology and psychology and using an implement of salvific wit, he tills these experiences until they grow into a philosophy of life.  Professionals and laypersons alike will find resources and rewards in this trenchant page-turner. –Jim Lawrence, Pacific School of Religion

Check out more at: https://www.amazon.com/What-Dying-Taught-about-Living/dp/0829820035/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1473531933&sr=8-1&keywords=fred+grewe

sample chapter: Petey’s Lament

Absolution

Nancy Diamante Bonazzoli

These deeply personal and transcendent poems will appeal to all who have ever questioned life deeply through the means of suffering, introspection and transformation. Absolution explores the journey from doubt and pain to acceptance, communion, and growth both in wisdom and in Love. This book includes such necessary themes as pain, illness, dying and death, fear, acceptance, love and prayer, bliss and ecstasy, and provides a refreshing perspective on the relationships between nature, self/other, and The Divine.

 

I enjoyed, loved, was deeply touched, enthused, surprised … Suffice it to say, simply, BRAVO! This is a wonderful collection, well nuanced and of particular and special delight. I have read poetry but none from a newcomer who has managed to speak with so unwavering an ear to generous nuance. I must say that I was not expecting anything so startlingly distinc-tive. Love-and-relationship is often the subject of poetry, but Bonazzoli’s voice is distinctive, profound and mature. I end with a holler-of-delight and a wish for continued sustenance that her work has offered me. Yummy!
–Venerable Jangchup Phelgyal, Ph.D. Writer and Tibetan Buddhist Monk, Vajrapani Monastery

What a tour de force! What a courageous gift of courage Bonazzoli has so honestly and unabashedly given her readers by so nakedly sharing her love and her suffering! Her intimacy with Nature, the Divine, Lovers–all laid out in such a fully human way! At times I was not certain who was the lover….a person, Nature or the Divine….and that was not only perfect, it was also the beauty! I could feel Bonazzoli’s love and appreciation of every- thing….every experience…. from bliss to suffering and back to bliss….sense her profound awareness that we are the Love, we are the Oneness…and then feel her moving back to aware- ness of duality and suffering…back and forth and back again. And, I could feel her intimate openness with where she is at, and sense it in every word…. I loved it! Simply stunning!
–Ted T. Sundine, M.D., Ph.D. Psychiatry and Neurology, Ashland, Oregon

The first time I read these poems, which ride on the edge of death, life, and love, I did so straight through in one sitting, feeling myself being slowly and warmly enveloped in their pas- sion, subtlety, raw power, and enigmatic mystery. Although Bonazzoli minces no words she never tells the full story–that story so deeply and sacredly known and lived by every mystic is far too ineffable for words. Yet she pierces the darkness that can’t be broken, illuminates what cannot be lit. The extraordinary is rendered familiar and the familiar extraordinary. Simply beautiful, these poems live on the cutting edge of bearability. They are wrenching and raw, with a lived power that is strong and soft, passionate and alive, evocative, mystical and exquisite. Your heart will soar and sing, set free from all that binds you, and you will find yourself, suddenly, alive and in love. Haunting and ecstatic, Absolution will live on in your body, and you will find yourself returning to its depths again and again. Absolution is a masterful prayer shawl of passion; wrap yourself warmly in it.
–Rev. Vivian Gruenenfelder, Senior Zen Buddhist Monk,The Order of Buddhist Contemplatives

There is a long and necessary genealogy of sensual spirituality … from the Song of Songs, to Hafiz, John of the Cross, Teresa of Avila, Rumi, and all those other lovers and prophets who have been ignited by Divine Love to communicate to the rest of us, who are living in the make-ends-meet world, what life can really be like. Absolution belongs to this illustrious list. However, do not be misled. Bonazzoli’s images are not photoshopped pictures of opulent window dressings. Grounded in the muck of suffering, uncertainty, and failure these poetic lines give birth to a lotus of searing rapture caressed by an unflinching honesty. Do yourself a favor. Explore these windows into a true seeker’s soul and discover your own. Your journey will not feel so lonely.
–Rev. Dr. Fred Grewe, Hospice Chaplain and Author of What the Dying Have Taught Me About Living

The depth of Bonazzoli’s spirituality is so evident, deep, beautiful and real. The passion deeply imbedded in these poems is captivating … and the strong emotions concerning life, death, sorrow, love, sex and the created world are breathtakingly evident.
–Father Jim Clifford, OSA Retired Director of Mission & Spiritual Care, Providence Medford Medical Center

Bonazzoli is a true Spiritual Warrior. In the more than 27 years I have known her I have witnessed first hand how she humbly walks the talk about self-awareness, acceptance, compassion and personal development. She has faced every personal challenge with courage and insight and has helped me find meaning and strength within my own life challenges as well. Her deep wells of wisdom are evident to all who are blessed to know her. I recommend Absolution to all who want to learn from someone who truly lives a compassionate, aware and fully connected life. Savor her deeply personal poetry, and come to know her–perhaps in a different way than I have, but as a deep and profound blessing nonetheless.
–Lloyd Nirenberg, Ph.D., Chief Investment Officer, Rocket Science Capital Analytics

I love Dr. Bonazzoli’s poetry. It moved me so much it left me speechless. In fact, these poems go beyond deeply moving. Here’s how I recently described her work to colleagues: I only wish my own voice was so eloquent and rich. Her work brings me to the brink of melancholy but always on this side of hope–though sometimes I find it difficult to feel her soul so deeply. I found it impossible to read more than a few at a time without taking time out to both savor their wisdom and richness, as well as to personally reflect.
–Linda Pinkham, editor, Linda Pinkham Publishing Services

Immediate and intimate, this winter-soul immersed me in the raw emotions of grief, loss and death. As I settled into her words, they then began to warm, budding with new expres- sions of life. A spring-soul emerged, filled with hope; exploring the sensual and relational contours of love. Her work is an engaging and elegant encounter with many of life’s mysteries. Her honesty is refreshing.
–Rev. Dr. Randolph T. Miller, Southern Oregon

Check out more at: https://www.amazon.com/Absolution-Nancy-Diamante-Bonazzoli/dp/1643882333/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=bonazzoli&qid=1592336490&s=books&sr=1-4