One of the hardest parts about being a refugee is the emotional distress that comes with knowing you are committing the ultimate cultural sin: being needy.
Over the past week I’ve come to experience first-hand how difficult it is to receive. I really suck at it. Being needy, knowing you are utterly dependent upon others, unable to avoid the reality of how vulnerable you are is really scary. In one afternoon, the whole illusion I have spent a lifetime crafting of being independent, responsible, able to provide for myself and my family all by myself literally went up in smoke.
Today as I was praying, a verse from the Bible surfaced in my soul, Luke 6:20. It’s a verse that’s always puzzled me. “Jesus said: ‘Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.’” I mean, what in the world could the Rabbi be taking about? Why would he proclaim you are blessed or flourishing when you’re poor? How can being destitute possibly be a blessing?
This is a lesson I’m beginning to learn in the School of Refugee. One of the first things you learn when you literally have nothing is how to surrender. Now I know that word “surrender” comes with a lot of baggage … but I just think of a better one. You learn how to surrender to waiting in lines, surrender to being on hold, surrender to wearing clothes you that don’t flatter your physic, surrender to not being in control of your own life. Surrender to the fact that you’re interdependent and no one can really go it alone.
Truth is, we’re all needy. Most of us can just hide it better than others a good deal of the time. But life has a way of puncturing that illusion. I’ve seen it so often with patients I’ve served in hospice who struggle with this lesson at the hands of a terminal disease. The ones who fight tooth and nail to be in control, to be in charge against overwhelming reality, generally die a very hard death and require a lot of heavy-duty pain killers. The ones who can go with the flow, accept the process, allow others to help, often die with much less pain and much more peace.
Another Jesus line comes to mind, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:23) The rich people I know (myself included) have a really hard time surrendering to reality. One of the benefits of being rich is the ability to be in control. It’s a benefit that’s almost impossible to let go of – and we won’t unless Brother disease or Sister fire comes to take it away. But if Jesus is to be believed, the result of surrendering our illusion of being in control is the entry way into God’s beloved kingdom. Could it be that’s why he said, “Blessed are the poor?” They’ve mastered the art of accepting their neediness and surrendering to the reality of our interdependence?
How maddening Jesus can be sometimes …