Woke up tonight from a fitful sleep feeling like Jacob wrestling with the Angel (Genesis 32). I realize my on-going struggle with receiving help (and I can’t escape it right now, because we really do need help in so many ways) is really a spiritual one. Dress it up however you want, the real issue is pride. It’s so damn hard to surrender my primal nature to be in control. What’s so awful in bein’ beholdin’ to others? All I know is it’s not letting me sleep, and tomorrow’s a workday.
I remember reading a great line by Philip Yancey. He said God’s amazing grace can be just downright annoying – because you can’t earn it – you can only accept it.
Well as the story goes, eventually Jacob learned when to let go and just give up. He was greatly blessed for it. I sure hope I can get to that place soon because this futile wrestling really sucks.