Meditations 4 Misfits

This morning in my time of reflection, a line I read recently from James Finley’s wonderful work, “Merton’s Palace of Nowhere,” bubbled up. Finley records that Thomas Merton waged “a ruthless campaign against giving way to all ‘trifles which cannot bear inspection in the face of death.’”

And I thought about some of the things that are currently stirring me up so emotionally, the really annoying people who get under my skin … and thought about how important will these things and folks be when I’m on my death bed?

Put another way, what am I giving myself to emotionally right now that will have lasting impact? What will outlive me?

My thoughts drifted to that lovely line from Eliot’s “Four Quartets,” … “we are distracted from distraction by distractions.”   

Working with the dying as I do, I know there are just times when we need to take a vacation from the really important … from dying … some periodic distractions and trifles are necessary for emotional balance … but it takes real discernment and discipline to not overstay the vacation.

That’s why I read so much by and about Merton. He just seems to have a way of calling me back to the present moment and the really important. And he skillfully does this not by shaming but by invitation.

I was reflecting too on how last Sunday I spoke to my friends at church about facing death and living fruitfully. I talked about the profound idea put forward by Fr. John Dunne … “what if death isn’t an interruption to life, but rather its destination?” The question that continues to linger days later is, am I living in such a way now that will prepare me for my destination?

Selah.

Just wanted to share this wonderfully thoughtful prayer for Valentine’s Day by Pete Greig, featured today on Lectio 365.

 “I pray today for those in love, those out of love, and those in between. I remember especially those who find themselves a little bit lonelier than normal.

 I do not pray today for loved-up couples, exchanging overpriced flowers and foil-wrapped hearts, leaking pheromones like diesel fumes at candlelit dinners. I’m pretty sure, Lord, they will be OK (for now).

 Instead, I hereby dedicate this happy-crappy day to all the brave teenagers who dared to send a card (hoping in vain with every fibre of their being for something back). Let them be a little bit more OK because I prayed.

 I think of the mother, coping alone, who quietly bought herself flowers yesterday. Let her kids be kind today. Let her teenagers tidy their bedrooms. And if that’s a miracle too far (I realise You’ve got a lot on in the world right now), could they at least initiate a hug at bedtime. And, Lord, let those daffodils she bought herself last longer and shine brighter than those overpriced red roses that also caught her eye.

Finally, I ask You to look upon the elderly gentleman gazing today at a fading sepia photograph in a silver frame of a wedding in another time. Look at him and look with him and be with him in the remembering and the unremembering too.

King of Love, on this day named after one of your unmarried saints, embrace the unlovely and the unloving parts of the world and of myself today.

 Song of Songs, inspire surprising turns of phrase and simple thoughtful acts, scatter sparks and rekindle the fires of romance wherever marriages are mired in the mundane. Melt our tiny, tinny expensive chocolate hearts.

 And forgive me today, I pray, for this cheap, gaudy, hysterical, isolating thing I have sometimes somehow tried to make of love and of You.

 Amen.”

I Don’t Believe in Death

People will deny
anything these days
so, I have decided to join
the practice of dismissing things
that we’ve been told are true
I have decided to quit believing in death
~ it just doesn’t exist for me anymore

I have a new theory
I’m working on~
when our dear ones
depart their bodies and
turn back into air and light
they don’t disappear
behind a brick wall
that separates us
~there are no bricks
there is no wall
~there are no barriers
there is only a grand
window between us
and those whom we
have stitched ourselves
to with the most divine
of angel hair threads
we can see our beloveds in
the heart shape clouds
and they can see us
as we kiss their picture
goodnight ever so softly

death doesn’t exist
it’s a debunked
flat-earth theology
where we are told that
the people we love spill off the
edge of the world and
fall away from us into
the endless unknown
that’s not my experience
what I have seen is that when
a dear one leaves me I don’t
feel the space grow between us
I feel us grow closer together
~ our entanglement becomes tighter
they travel with me to the
store to buy garlic
they brush my hair out of my eyes while
I cry in my car in an empty parking lot
they join me on my daily
walk around a lake
they sit on the board of my conscious
and offer me advice
they float above me while
I write a poem
they laugh when I trip over the same
damn chair every day
they catch my prayers and
courier them to God
they write love notes to me with steam
on my bathroom mirror
they play the right songs on the radio
at just the right time
they have made a cottage
in my heart
they have turned my eyes
into miracle telescopes
they converted my lungs
into a retreat center
they dance in the eyes
of my children
my loved ones haven’t gone anywhere
and neither have yours
they are just on the other side of the window
waiting for you to see them
waving at you
in their sundresses made out of stars
and their tuxedos stitched by time

and someday I will be on the
other side of the glass
acting so obnoxious that you
won’t be able to ignore me
and someday I will be writing
you love notes on the petals
of sunflowers for you to find
just when you need to read them
and someday I will help paint a
sunset in the exact color of the
way I felt whenever I was wrapped
up tightly in your arms

I’m not scientist but
my research tells me that
death doesn’t exist
however, love does
and it has no end
and neither do we

~ John Roedel

This morning I was invited to preach for our Sunday morning worship. I gave a reflection on the experience of Jonah and the title was, “Why are you so angry?” If you’re interested in watching, here’s the link. ..

https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__youtu.be_5PPcAZGXPwE-3Ft-3D1023&d=DwMFaQ&c=KoC5GYBOIefzxGAm2j6cjFf-Gz7ANghQIP9aFG9DuBs&r=JOilRuLbDBwj5RAefK62sVeWPOwe9gAp7CHJa3XsPAI&m=6vSx53y2Meb7odiUTyEnZ2aHheFtao7OU6ZmkyGKwGE&s=ZcLtt8BIHw502S1sIcNs0EdGX1KYBIu31dPOojsbdHs&e=

In my morning reading of Merton I came across a passage where he argues for a need to embrace the wisdom of the Socratic principle. As Merton describes it, that means having great confidence in “dialogue” – trusting that truth develops in conversation. He writes,

“The Socratic principle means not only the willingness to discuss, but readiness to meet one’s adversary as an equal and as a sister or as a brother.  The moment one does this, she or he ceases to be an adversary.”

As I tossed these words over in my time of prayer, I realized my dis-ease with our current cultural and political environment is our inability to dialogue anymore. Truth seeking conversations are almost non-existent. We have devolved into merely having monologues with witnesses. Two questions surfaced: “How long will we collectively continue to suffer and cause suffering by grasping onto our entrenched opinions before we actually hear each other?” and, “Am I willing to lay down my own judgmental swords so they might be transformed into plowshares?”

Merton wrote these words over 50 years ago … and yet as I read them this morning I found them so helpful as I try to navigate the rapid changes going on around me. May grace guide you, peace surround you, and joy surprise you today. Fred

If I could live again my life, in the next – I’ll try to make more mistakes, I won’t try to be so perfect, I’ll be more relaxed, I’ll be more full – than I am now. In fact, I’ll take fewer things seriously, I’ll be less hygienic, I’ll take more risks, I’ll take more trips, I’ll watch more sunsets, I’ll climb more mountains, I’ll swim more rivers, I’ll go to more places – I’ve never been, I’ll eat more ice creams and less (lime) beans, I’ll have more real problems – and less imaginary ones. I was one of those people who live prudent and prolific lives – each minute of his life. Off course that I had moments of joy – but, if I could go back I’ll try to have only good moments. If you don’t know – that’s what life is made of, don’t lose the now! I was one of those who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, without a hot-water bottle, and without an umbrella and without a parachute. If I could live again – I will travel light, if I could live again – I’ll try to work bare feet at the beginning of spring till the end of autumn, I’ll ride more carts, I’ll watch more sunrises and play with more children, if I have the life to live – but now I am 85, and I know that I am dying … – Jorge Luis Borgas